If we were to look at our intimate relationships like a food group: such as fruits, meat ,vegetables starches ice cream or even candy? What would the types of food we eat and like indicate about our beliefs, values and attitudes What about breakfast, lunch , dinner and snacks. Whats on the menu. These are the 5 potholes you hit on the road in your relationships. How do you manage these aspects of your relationships?
Nagging: Nagging is a frustrating dance that many of us fall prey too.
Criticism: Repeatedly attacking your partner’s personality or character rather than focusing on the actual behavior that bothers you and discussing it in a mature and effective manner.
Contempt: Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention of causing harm. Openly disrespecting him or her
Defensiveness: Needing to defend yourself whenever you perceive your partner criticizing you.
Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the conversation or the relationship
All couples have disagreements, disputes and even some full blown out arguments, and that is perfectly normal. It’s not necessarily the conflict per se that sinks a relationship- its how the disagreement or the communication is handled . Healthy tension can be a beautiful thing it’s how we communicate in our inter-personal relationships. When conflicts are poorly handled and these five behaviors are involved , it has the potential to cause some serious damage to the relationship and to the individuals. These relationship dynamics play out and impact our social interactions and the work environments as well.
If you mix the right ingredients in making foods as well your relationships you can create a delicious delicacy.
If you feel that during your marriage, partnership or other types of relationships, you participated in any of these behaviors, you’ll do yourself a world of good to admit the part played and work towards examining where the behavior originated. Many of the answers will come from how you were raised and how your parents behaved with each other and with you. It’s hard and painful work, but honest self-examination will always lead toward profound growth,.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The Wall Street Journal calls this type of communication “toxic”, and experts say it can eventually sink a relationship.
Psychologist John Gottman studied over 1000 married couples and claims that when the last four behaviors are present in a marriage, there is a 94 percent chance that the relationship will fail.
